ABOVE THE MEDIAN: Motherhood - How To Have A Successful Career AND Be A Great Mom
March's newsletter is a breakdown on how to juggle being a mom and having a big career
We are officially two days into Spring, a season symbolic of new beginnings and fertility. I personally have many friends dealing with fertility questions and debating when or if they should have children. I hope you all find this month’s newsletter insightful, encouraging, and inspiring. I know that I have some male followers, so for the men out there, this newsletter may be enlightening on how to support your current/future partner. And if nothing else, this is a thank you to the female ovaries.
Introduction:
“Is it true that having children during my career ascent will hinder my chances of becoming a business executive?” Society may suggest so, but after speaking with 60+ women executives, I can assure you that the answer is no. You can raise well-adjusted, happy children and be a successful female executive. More importantly, you can parent children while you rise to becoming a CEO or managing a multi-billion dollar business unit. If you are reading this, no matter your ambition level, I know that you will appreciate some tactics on family planning and how to navigate being a working parent. I honestly could have written an entire book on this topic. I also want to emphasize that it is OK to choose to not have children. There are quite a few women that I interviewed that did not have kids. It is your choice (as it should be!) and this newsletter is here to serve you in either choice that you make.
Let’s dive in!
ABOVE THE MEDIAN SPOTLIGHT:
Lata Krishnan’s story is emblematic of dynamism and perseverance. She is the iconic example of a woman who has accomplished an enormous amount and could easily gain a Techcrunch or NYTimes featured headline. However, her humility, kind-hearted nature, and soft-spoken tone have enabled her to gracefully run under the radar. With Above The Median, we are delighted to shine a spotlight on Lata, a woman with Indian heritage and an African upbringing, who has crossed continents, built a unicorn business, beat cancer, raised two amazing children, leads one of the most powerful philanthropic entities focused on the marginalized in India called AIF, and is very focused on giving back to the Bay area.
Lata grew up in Kenya in a very open and progressive family. Her parents emphasized education and encouraged exploring all subjects. She excelled at Mathematics and later earned a Bachelor in Finance from the renowned London School of Economics. Upon graduation, Lata stayed in London to work as an auditor for Arthur Andersen & co and moved to San Francisco four years later to become a financial analyst at Montgomery Securities. While in San Francisco, Lata met and married her husband Ajay Shah. It was 1988 and both Lata and Ajay experienced the rise of the personal computer. They identified a gap in the semiconductor market and co-founded Smart Modular Technologies to address it. The company was so successful that by 1999 Smart Modular Technologies was generating $1 billion in revenue. At the peak of the company, Lata was considered the highest-paid female executive in Silicon Valley (bringing in more than $3.5M.) Lata and Ajay sold the company to Solectron for $2 billion in 1999.
Tactic: There is Never a Right Time for Kids
When you hear about Lata’s successful ascent in Silicon Valley, you might wonder if she had children given all of her professional accolades. She, in fact, had two children in her young 30s while she was also running Smart Modular Technologies. Additionally, I can attest to the fact that both of her kids are superstars personally and professionally.
Lata’s tactic is more philosophical but it’s one to emphasize in this newsletter. There is never a right time to have children as a career woman. Lata admits, “at a few points I thought I should give up on my career. Especially when I was diagnosed with cancer and had a 9-month-old.” However, Lata persevered. It was not easy but she was able to be a successful corporate executive and a mother. She leaned on her own support network, her family. “When you don’t have choices but are determined, you find the strength to keep moving forward,” says Lata. “Today, I cannot think of a more fulfilling experience than raising my children”.
ABOVE THE MEDIAN SPOTLIGHT:
Although some individuals view a career as limited to one path, Sue Decker humorously remarks that she is now on her fourth career. “I’ve had a Wall Street Career, an Executive Management Career (President of Yahoo!), served on a bunch of boards, and now, I founded and am leading a startup. It’s kind of awesome that you can reinvent yourself in different ways,” says Sue. Sue’s resume is bursting with institutional logos and titles including Berkshire Hathaway (Board Member), Momentive (Board Member), Intel Corporation (previous Board Member), Costco (Board Member), LegalZoom (previous Board Member), Chime (Board Member), Donaldson, Lufkin, and Jenrette (former Director of Global Research), and Yahoo! (former President and CFO.) In 2018, Sue founded her own company, RAFTR - a community-first engagement platform for universities and advocacy organizations to offer member-to-member communication and next-generation content distribution. Sue is a genuine, dedicated, and inspirational human being determined to change the world.
Before we jump into motherhood advice, I want to hit on a piece of career advice from Sue that I would be remiss in highlighting, the concept of your Net Present Value. Sue advises anyone she mentors to think about your Net Present Value when it comes to thinking about compensation: a basic concept of finance but extrapolated to one’s career. “Focus on your lifetime income, not your current income. It’s all about creating opportunities in life,” advises Sue. In other words, do not myopically focus on what is right in front of you, embrace the entirety of your career opportunities and how your current career or job position might create options for the next one. Sue explains that this philosophy has proven to work for her, “Every job I’ve taken has been an initial reduction in compensation, but it has worked out great over time, because if the business is successful and I am successful then there is a financial reward.” Given the current state of the 2023 economy, as a reader, you may be evaluating new opportunities. This is a reminder to focus on developing skills and experiences in your 20s/30s and maximizing option value, not just a salary.
Moving beyond Sue's executive persona, let's delve into Sue's personal interests. Sue is fond of horses, Alexander Hamilton, Jacques Cousteau, and The Economist. However, when asked about what she loves, Sue responds without hesitation that her children are her greatest love.
Sue had her first kid when she was 34 and had two more before she was 40. Three kids in a decade and Sue still managed to soar in her career. She has specific pieces of advice on how to be a successful mom and business executive.
Tactic: Think of when you want to be the most present
It is impossible to be in two places at once. As a mom, this means that you are either working or spending time with your children.
Sue recognizes the difficulty of balancing multiple responsibilities simultaneously. During her 20s and 30s, Sue prioritized her career, while in her 40s, she made choices that were in sync with her family's requirements. In other words, Sue deliberately tailored her career to allow for more time flexibility as her children grew older.
When her children were young, Sue worked as an equity research analyst and hired a nanny to assist her in balancing work and family time. Despite having limited time, Sue ensured that she prioritized spending time with her children and being present for them. She made sacrifices during the initial stages of her children's lives, such as not being at every preschool event, to be able to be there more during their teenage years.
As her children matured, Sue deliberately chose career opportunities that allowed her to spend more time with her family. Following her tenure at Yahoo!, she pursued roles that required less travel, and in 2018, she established a fully remote company, RAFTR.
“When I had kids, they became the center of my life. Think of when you want to be the most present for your children. Your career is long,” says Sue.
ABOVE THE MEDIAN SPOTLIGHT:
If you could pick a word to summarize Denise Thomas’ persona it would be persistence. Denise is a mother of three amazing children and runs ApplePie Capital - a fintech lender that has done over $2B in loans to date. Denise grew up with three sisters and was raised primarily by her stepfather. Through deep conversations with her stepfather (a lifetime entrepreneur), Denise caught the founder bug and never believed there was a glass ceiling. Prior to founding ApplePie Capital, Denise held roles such as the CMO and EVP of SharesPost (rebranded to Forge and went public in 2022), the EVP of LesConceirges (launched the first online concierge service for the largest credit card company in the U.S, which reached 7 million members), and the EVP of OffRoadCapital (first of its kind to enable private security trading over the internet for High Net Worth individuals.) Denise has been a builder her entire life and helped scale financial institutions from the bottom up. Throughout her career milestones, Denise never lost sight of the milestones of her children. This is how she successfully navigated both…
Tactic: Compartmentalize and Sit On The Floor
“There were times when my children were all young and I felt like Gumby. I was getting stretched and there was no more stretch left,” says Denise. Denise acknowledges how difficult it was to raise three children and have a fast-growing career. Additionally, she did not have many female colleagues so she often struggled with knowing when it would work to leave early or skip a social work event to be home in time for her children. “I found it a constant challenge to show up in both places, especially when my work required extended travel days,” says Denise.
One of Denise’s tactics that worked well for her was to compartmentalize and find ways to shift from “Denise at work” to “Denise at home.” “It was the tool that helped me persevere,” says Denise.
However, even if you can shift what you are thinking about, it's difficult to shift your energy levels from work to home. This requires developing the skill of compartmentalizing so you are not carrying the work home energetically and maximizing your presence at home with your family. So Denise’s second tactic was truly to enter her home after a trip or long time away and just sit on the floor and give her full attention to her children. “When I had to travel and get home to three children under 6, they would want to jump all over me and I was exhausted. A woman gave me the advice to ‘just sit on the floor and let them climb all over you. Children will get disinterested very quickly, she said.” This approach lets the kids choose when to disengage and it assures them that they are validated and loved.’ I used that piece of advice and it worked!” says Denise.
This tactic can be extracted more metaphorically to just show up and be available to what is in front of you both physically and emotionally. You do not need to be the mom screaming the loudest at the soccer game, but you can be present. Your children will know you put in the effort and they will feel loved because of it. You will be exhausted at times. “Being present is more important than the amount of time you spend”, says Denise.
Conclusion:
Lata, Sue, and Denise show us that you can be a great mom and a great boss. But let’s also be blunt, it’s hard. However, I fundamentally believe that the women who want to change the world are the same people that can navigate having a career and running a household. Don’t be afraid to pursue your lofty career and family goals! You can do it.
Books To Read:
Lata’s recommendation: How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big, by Scott Adams
Sue’s recommendation: The West Point Way of Leadership, by Larry Donnithorne
Denise’s recommendation: Radical Candor, by Kim Scott
What’s been inspiring me lately…
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The Elephant Queen movie (fun fact: Elephants can sense rain from >100 miles away)
Special thanks to…
Kendall Warson for all of her design advice that helps breathe life into visions
Jocelyn Teece for deep diving and contributing to the project (all while simultaneously attending Tuck Business School and navigating the pandemic)
All the amazing women who were interviewed and who opened up to share their stories
Everyone who participated in a focus group that inspired the questions for the interviews